Setting Standards

Standard: Those morals, ethics, habits, and so on established by authority, custom, or an individual as acceptable.

As we continue this weekend in our study on the topic of dating, we ask the question, “How can I stay pure in my dating?” Now this question implies you are going to be active in dating right now, that may not be the case. However, the topic of standards is an area that should be discussed with parents or even good friends way before you find yourself in compromising situations. Often, if we (parents) try to address the problem after it has already began, we are too late. I could not encourage enough the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye to all parents of children who are still at home. In fact, I encourage all elementary parents to have read the book themselves, so that they can read the book with their son/daughter when it is appropriate.

Sunday morning we are going to look at three different areas of the Bible to teach and reinforce that the best way to stay pure in dating is to…

#1 Set the Standard Now (Joshua 24:14-15)

In his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Harris refers to these standards as guidelines. He says, “After you’ve formed your “team” (parents/mentors/godly friends), you need to establish guidelines for your relationships with the opposite sex that are based on the wisdom of God’s Word. Sit down with your mom and dad, or mentor, and ask questions such as “What constitutes a romantic setting? When is going out with someone appropriate, and when would it lead to premature intimacy?” Think through some of the situations that might arise.”

#2 Don’t Start Something (Song of Songs 3:5)

Our study makes a great point of illustration when it reminds us that you can’t put an egg back together after it’s broken and the contents spill out. Now we know that only Jesus Christ can make broken people whole, but He also intends for His children to be Holy.

#3 Run from Temptation (2 Timothy 2:22)

Do we desire and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace? We can only run from that which we identify or recognize as dangerous. I hope the danger we see is the danger of not pleasing the God who loves us and who sent His Son to rescue us. This describes the person whose purity can be explained as an attitude and not a line we cross.

One chapter of I Kissed Dating Goodbye is called Counterculture Romance, and it consists of five attitude changes to help you avoid defective dating. The attitude changes are…

  • Every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ’s love
  • Singleness as a gift from God
  • I don’t need to pursue romance before a I am ready for marriage
  • I can’t “own” somebody outside of marriage–read chapter for further explanation
  • I will avoid situations that could compromise the purity of my body or mind

Do these sound like counterculture ideas to you as a youth or parent? Talk about these ideas together this weekend. Talk about standards or guidelines. If these are the types of conversations you have had or are considering having, let me know. Much is at stake in this area of life. As parents we are commanded by God Himself to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4b).” Let us be found faithful and wise because dating falls in this training.


Posted on November 18, 2010, in Dating. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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